OMG I’m Spazzy and My Limbs Won’t Stop Moving

I am a total spazz today for no good reason. I feel like I need to run in circles, but I can’t because that would bother my dad, who is watching cowboy movies on “the television set”. All my dad watches are Judge shows and cowboy movies. Oh, and reruns of Law and Order. My dad’s collection of cowboy movies/shows on DVD is probably the biggest collection on earth.

But back to my point, I’m spazzy and need to do something other than rocking frantically back and forth and occasionally flapping. Right now those are my only foreseeable options. I totally just spelled foreseeable right on the first try. I did not, however, spell occasionally right on the first try. I also didn’t spell it right on the second or third try. I seriously hate that word. Another word I hate? Gravy. I just really hate that word with an intense passion. I also don’t like the substance that is gravy. Say the word out loud. SAY IT. Isn’t it horrible? Ugh, see, now I’m getting more spazzy and flappy because I’m thinking about gravy.

I want a dog. I want a giant dog. I want a Golden Retriever or a Newfoundland, and I want him to be BFFs with my cat. I think it would keep her young to have a dog around. This whole “I rule the house, watch me sprawl out and be leisurely wherever I want” thing has gone too far. She needs a BFF who will say “HA! You THOUGHT you could lie there, but I’m going to bother you until you move”. And then when it’s cold, they can snuggle together and that would be the cutest thing in the world. My parents say I can’t have a dog because I’m irresponsible and Not A Real Adult and that the dog would probably die, and if they weren’t around, my cat would probably die, too. I’d like to point out that Sabrina Von Squishy and I have been best friends since 1999, and I only moved back home in 2008 or somewhere thereabouts. Obviously, I did not kill Sabrina Von Squishy.

I bought these things at World Market and they are called Happy Hippo Biscuits. They are super good, but it makes me feel bad that I’m eating a Happy Hippo. Why would you eat someone who is happy?? Eat someone who is depressed, or about to kill themselves, don’t eat them when they are happy. That is ridiculous. Also, I don’t think real hippos are filled with vanilla and chocolate creamy goodness, and I have a feeling that creamy goodness is what makes the hippo so happy. Everyone likes to have chocolate and vanilla creamy goodness in them.

I just ran downstairs to my dad like a bat out of Hell and said “GRAVY” and he just looked at me for a minute and said “When are you going to finish your laundry, I almost tripped over it”. He was watching a cowboy movie.

I could go outside and build a snowman, but the last time I did that I couldn’t move my back for weeks on end. It made me come to terms with the fact that while I’m perfectly mentally capable of building a snowman, I am physically 90 years old and should not do that sort of thing. Also, I’d get all snowy and wet, which is fine if you aren’t cold to begin with, but I AM cold to begin with, so I don’t want to get more cold.

OMG – I totally cleaned off my car in the coolest way today. I have to park outside, so my car was covered in two feet of snow. I took a giant push broom and pushed all the snow off my car. It was clean in minutes! It ruled. My neighbors felt the need to comment on my methods, but I bet their cars weren’t cleaned as fast as mine. Of course, they all park in their garages because they aren’t a 34 year old add on to an established home that already has two cars in the garage.

Sabrina Von Squishy has spent the day in her cave underneath our chair that has a name that I forget. Something about royalty. It has a straight back and no arms. Anyway, there’s a nice space underneath it that is covered by these flappy things, and Squishy hides in there because it’s nice and warm.

I think I’ll go hide in the den until my dad has his designated Computer Time at 6pm and then I’ll leap out and see what he does. Ooooh, maybe I’ll even hide under the computer desk. That would be awesome.

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